Just like the seasons change in nature, they change in our lives too. Sometimes it's events, or people, or even both. Tragedies, and tribulations are the winters, triumphs, and joy the spring or summer. Some last longer than others, and some are as fleeting as autumn leaves in the breeze. I've always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, that there is a purpose behind the events and people who share the seasons of life with us.
Just as the flowers know when it's time for spring bloom, God knows when the time is right for each season in our lives. He knows when we are at our strongest to handle pain and heartache, and He rewards our faith, and perseverance with love, happiness, and hope. I always thought Moe came into my life during a time when I needed him the most, yet looking back, I now realize I was Moe's for the rest of his life not mine, and I made his last five years his best and happiest. God also knew when it was time for Moe to leave me, and He stuck by me even when I hated Him for the darkest season of my life.
Each life season is a milestone, something to reflect upon, and ponder, then store away as memories from which we've learned valuable lessons. Not all are pleasant, some are as bitter and cold as the deepest of winters, others as bright, and sun filled as the days of summer. But every season we live through and share with another/others is a gift no matter how negative or positive. Each season is a gift because in spite of the sadness that comes with the end of something good, or the relief when hardships fade away, every time our seasons change, we have a new opportunity, another chance maybe, for a fresh new start.
Now I'm in a new season, one of hope, and renewal, a new spring filled with great promise and possibilities. I can't foresee the future, nor do I want to. I've finally learned that one of the greatest gifts in life is living it unknowingly, without regrets, or fear of the unknown. I'm learning that living a good life is more about living in the present, navigating my current season day one at a time. Right now, life is pretty damn good.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Cheating Don't Lie
What makes a person cheat on their spouse, or significant other? Is it because they don't love them anymore but don't have the balls to end the relationship? Are they bored in the bedroom, and afraid to broach the subject for fear of rejection or ridicule? Were they cheated on and seeking revenge by doing what was done to them? Whatever the reason, there is no justification for infidelity, and although it's human nature to crave instant gratification, and make stupid mistakes, cheating tells the truth about a person and their relationship(s) and can't be undone.
In spite of all the variables that drive a person to infidelity, there should be some ground rules for creeping on your boo, and dealing with the fall out when you get caught, because you will get caught. First of all, if you are going to cheat, make sure it's with someone who is extremely dog ass ugly, and not nearly as attractive as the one you are cheating on. Why should this matter? From a woman's point of view it really doesn't matter, because she's going to be pissed off , but it can help ease her pain and suffering if she can tell hers friends that she herself is WAY prettier than that nasty ass skank ho her man hooked up with. Even if this is NOT the case at all, when you get caught, and you will, never reveal what your mistress really looks like (I'll explain later).,This gives a woman an easy out if she knows she can't compete because the other woman is a super model. That way the cheater victim can simply call the other woman a whore, and not factor in good looks .
Women who cheat need to make sure their partner in crime is a broke ass bum, because men aren't that concerned about looks, but instead value their self worth based on their bread winning abilities. Nothing will crush a man's spirit quicker than learning that his beloved has left him for a man with a bigger bank account... size really does matter.
The next rather important rule of thumb when screwing around on and over your better half, is to take your dirty business AWAY from home and family. When your children run out the greet the mail man yelling daddy's home, you've gone too far. Trying to explain why Jr. so strongly resembles they UPS man isn't as easy as it sounds. Further more, no one wants to even think about another man/woman wallowing around in their bed, eating the groceries and watching the cable they pay for. That's just a slap in the face, and rightfully so, will cost you some serious alimony and earn you an ass whipping
The one thing that has always amazed me about cheating is just how emotionally damaging it can be, and the range of individual reactions that occur when the truth finally does come out. I can tell you from personal experience, that nothing hurts more, or can make you feel so dirty and used as finding out that the one person you completely trusted has destroyed the bond you share, not to mention shown a total disregard for your health and safety. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than disrespect, and cheating is the epitome of disrespect. So many times the victim of infidelity wants to blame the person their partner cheated with (hence the reason why you don't want to reveal your booty buddy's true identity), and yes if that person willingly initiated a relationship with someone they knew was spoken for they are certainly at fault. But, the real fault lies with your spouse or significant other, because it is their duty to say NO in the first place, and that fact is why I just don't think a couple can recover from this major breach of loyalty and trust. Grudge sex is not the answer either, as that just puts you on the same level, making you just as big a cheater, if not bigger than the one who cheated on you!
So, the best advice I can give anyone about cheating on their mate is this... DON'T!!! Oh you can claim you have an open marriage/relationship, or pretend you don't know what's really going on, while everyone else knows your honey is buzzing with another bee, but in the long run cheating doesn't lie. Oh you can try to hang on as long as you think possible, but degrading yourself by clinging to a person who obviously doesn't care, and trying to carry a relationship that has run it's course will only bring you down even further. If you don't love someone anymore, end the relationship, and spare everyone involved the heartache and humiliation. It's the right thing to do, and you will feel better about yourself in the long run.. Unless, of course, you are some nymphomaniacal pervert, who can't control your hormones, and have to screw around like a three balled tom cat. If that is the case, remain single and invest your time and money in large quantities of KY, carpal tunnel treatment, and unmarked packages wrapped in brown paper. You'll be doing the rest of society a huge favor.
In spite of all the variables that drive a person to infidelity, there should be some ground rules for creeping on your boo, and dealing with the fall out when you get caught, because you will get caught. First of all, if you are going to cheat, make sure it's with someone who is extremely dog ass ugly, and not nearly as attractive as the one you are cheating on. Why should this matter? From a woman's point of view it really doesn't matter, because she's going to be pissed off , but it can help ease her pain and suffering if she can tell hers friends that she herself is WAY prettier than that nasty ass skank ho her man hooked up with. Even if this is NOT the case at all, when you get caught, and you will, never reveal what your mistress really looks like (I'll explain later).,This gives a woman an easy out if she knows she can't compete because the other woman is a super model. That way the cheater victim can simply call the other woman a whore, and not factor in good looks .
Women who cheat need to make sure their partner in crime is a broke ass bum, because men aren't that concerned about looks, but instead value their self worth based on their bread winning abilities. Nothing will crush a man's spirit quicker than learning that his beloved has left him for a man with a bigger bank account... size really does matter.
The next rather important rule of thumb when screwing around on and over your better half, is to take your dirty business AWAY from home and family. When your children run out the greet the mail man yelling daddy's home, you've gone too far. Trying to explain why Jr. so strongly resembles they UPS man isn't as easy as it sounds. Further more, no one wants to even think about another man/woman wallowing around in their bed, eating the groceries and watching the cable they pay for. That's just a slap in the face, and rightfully so, will cost you some serious alimony and earn you an ass whipping
The one thing that has always amazed me about cheating is just how emotionally damaging it can be, and the range of individual reactions that occur when the truth finally does come out. I can tell you from personal experience, that nothing hurts more, or can make you feel so dirty and used as finding out that the one person you completely trusted has destroyed the bond you share, not to mention shown a total disregard for your health and safety. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than disrespect, and cheating is the epitome of disrespect. So many times the victim of infidelity wants to blame the person their partner cheated with (hence the reason why you don't want to reveal your booty buddy's true identity), and yes if that person willingly initiated a relationship with someone they knew was spoken for they are certainly at fault. But, the real fault lies with your spouse or significant other, because it is their duty to say NO in the first place, and that fact is why I just don't think a couple can recover from this major breach of loyalty and trust. Grudge sex is not the answer either, as that just puts you on the same level, making you just as big a cheater, if not bigger than the one who cheated on you!
So, the best advice I can give anyone about cheating on their mate is this... DON'T!!! Oh you can claim you have an open marriage/relationship, or pretend you don't know what's really going on, while everyone else knows your honey is buzzing with another bee, but in the long run cheating doesn't lie. Oh you can try to hang on as long as you think possible, but degrading yourself by clinging to a person who obviously doesn't care, and trying to carry a relationship that has run it's course will only bring you down even further. If you don't love someone anymore, end the relationship, and spare everyone involved the heartache and humiliation. It's the right thing to do, and you will feel better about yourself in the long run.. Unless, of course, you are some nymphomaniacal pervert, who can't control your hormones, and have to screw around like a three balled tom cat. If that is the case, remain single and invest your time and money in large quantities of KY, carpal tunnel treatment, and unmarked packages wrapped in brown paper. You'll be doing the rest of society a huge favor.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2011 Hell in My Rearview Mirror
Time has a funny way of expanding, and contracting, and folding in around us, as it's measured by a second, minute, day, week, month, year. In the span of time, the beat of a heart, the blink of an eye, our lives can suddenly, impossibly, irrevocably change, and over time we struggle to make sense of the wreckage, gather the scattered pieces of the life we cherished, and slowly rebuild a new life that we must learn to accept, and eventually want to embrace and enjoy.
As I look back over the past twelve months, I find myself bombarded by a range of emotions as I truly realize all that transpired, and I've endured. 2011 began with several first anniversaries that tore at my heart, reminding me of just what I'd lost in 2010. As I survived each milestone in the grieving process, I learned more and more about myself, and as time went by the heartache lessened, and the fear of all things unknown began to ebb. The days crept by, and soon weeks passed into months, and I learned that I was stronger, and more capable than I'd ever thought I would have to be, and decisions were made that even in 2012 could once again change my life forever, hopefully with positive results.
Miss Loubirda Miles from Woodville, MS. once told me something that I've never forgotten, and have turned to quite often. "Baby girl, ain't every day goin be like peppermint candy." She was right, and some days are always going to be sweeter than others, but it's the sour, bitter days that make them even sweeter. Only time and experience can teach a person that, and it took me the better part of my second year as a widow to relearn it.
As 2011 unfolded, I began to absorb, and comprehend the facts about the new life I didn't ask for. I began to flex emotional muscles that had been left to atrophy while paralyzed by the intensity of my grief, and despair, just in time to face death once again, and offer support to my newly widowed cousin, and her family. Before I knew it the year was coming to an end, and I headed into the last season of 2011, ready to move forward with my new life, feeling more self assured, confident, fearless, capable of dealing with just about anything life sends my way, and believing that love might once again find me.
Now as I write this on the very first day of 2012, I can't help but feel hopeful as I look outside and see the bright sunshine on a beautiful, balmy day. In some way, perhaps today's lovely weather is a sign, a promise of good things yet to come in this brand spanking new year. I stopped making resolutions a long time ago, and just made a concerted effort to try to improve on all levels with the arrival of each new year. This year I am starting a new life , MY LIFE, and I'm resolved to live this new life, on MY OWN TERMS, without any explanation, or approval other than my own. Where hell and heartache once blocked my path, I'm behind the wheel firmly in control, and I'm going to enjoy watching them disappear in my rear view mirror.
As I look back over the past twelve months, I find myself bombarded by a range of emotions as I truly realize all that transpired, and I've endured. 2011 began with several first anniversaries that tore at my heart, reminding me of just what I'd lost in 2010. As I survived each milestone in the grieving process, I learned more and more about myself, and as time went by the heartache lessened, and the fear of all things unknown began to ebb. The days crept by, and soon weeks passed into months, and I learned that I was stronger, and more capable than I'd ever thought I would have to be, and decisions were made that even in 2012 could once again change my life forever, hopefully with positive results.
Miss Loubirda Miles from Woodville, MS. once told me something that I've never forgotten, and have turned to quite often. "Baby girl, ain't every day goin be like peppermint candy." She was right, and some days are always going to be sweeter than others, but it's the sour, bitter days that make them even sweeter. Only time and experience can teach a person that, and it took me the better part of my second year as a widow to relearn it.
As 2011 unfolded, I began to absorb, and comprehend the facts about the new life I didn't ask for. I began to flex emotional muscles that had been left to atrophy while paralyzed by the intensity of my grief, and despair, just in time to face death once again, and offer support to my newly widowed cousin, and her family. Before I knew it the year was coming to an end, and I headed into the last season of 2011, ready to move forward with my new life, feeling more self assured, confident, fearless, capable of dealing with just about anything life sends my way, and believing that love might once again find me.
Now as I write this on the very first day of 2012, I can't help but feel hopeful as I look outside and see the bright sunshine on a beautiful, balmy day. In some way, perhaps today's lovely weather is a sign, a promise of good things yet to come in this brand spanking new year. I stopped making resolutions a long time ago, and just made a concerted effort to try to improve on all levels with the arrival of each new year. This year I am starting a new life , MY LIFE, and I'm resolved to live this new life, on MY OWN TERMS, without any explanation, or approval other than my own. Where hell and heartache once blocked my path, I'm behind the wheel firmly in control, and I'm going to enjoy watching them disappear in my rear view mirror.
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