The Misery Eaters

Most of you know that I am not one to sugar coat the truth, although contrary to popular belief I do try to be tactful. Although my "it is what it is" philosophy is widely shared, there is a select few that find it irritating, and I've only recently realized why.  There are certain people in this world who are so self absorbed they can't see past their own misery, which is usually self inflicted. They thrive on their own selfishness, and generate toxic feelings that feed their need for constant drama.  I call them misery eaters.

Misery eaters are not only selfish, but they are devious, and excel at subtle manipulation.  They are always down and out, and nothing is ever their fault. These people LOVE turmoil, and just slurp up any and all negativity like bottom feeders. They enjoy playing mind games, and are artists at turning the tables in a confrontation or conflict. Nothing anyone does for them is ever enough, and when their shit stirring antics backfire, it's never their fault. Of course they try to make themselves look like the victim at this point, usually by throwing the hapless dumb ass who tried to help them under the bus.

We have all known or dealt with a misery eater(s). They can be friends, family, and co-workers, or just random people you have to interact with. These are the people you try to avoid, unless they are a friend or family member. Friendships/ relationships with a misery eater can be rather tiresome because you can never be sure if that person is sincere. They are the type who tries to one up everyone on everything, good or bad, and they are masters at schadenfreude, meaning they derive pleasure from others misfortune. Not only will they revel in your tragedy, they will quell any attention you might gain from others when experiencing good fortune, as they are also jealous since in their mind nothing nice or good ever happens to them.

Of course, these people in all honesty, are usually extremely blessed, but are too blinded by their selfishness, and abject shitty attitude to comprehend just how much they have to be grateful for and appreciate.  Misery eaters are the kind of people you can never to too nice to, because they find it impossible to appreciate,  and being mean to them just proves to them that they are justified in feeling like the worlds scapegoat. So, now you might be wondering if there is a cure for this malady, as it does affect millions around the globe. Is there a special technique for handling misery eaters? Other than strict avoidance, or just telling them to kiss your ass, there isn't much you can do about such people. I personally think misery eaters suffer from a medical condition commonly known as Rectal Optosis. This occurs when the optic nerves somehow (probably at birth) get crossed up the rectum, thus resulting in a shitty outlook. Hopefully modern medicine will find a cure.