WWRJD... What Would Robert Johnson Do.... .

I'm by no means a hot shot guitar picker, I can't even remember a single chord from when I did play years ago, so I have no instrument to bring to the cross roads. I have no guitar for the Devil to tune, nothing to bargain with, just one lonely, no talented white girl waiting at the cross roads in my life. Waiting just like Robert Johnson, except I have to make my own choices, the Devil can't even offer what I want in this life.

I guess some folks would call it my "jumping off place", that time in your life where you have to make tough choices, and hard decisions. The welcome party to the adult world, for some, a "do over" for others, but for me it's a renewal. I suppose the "cross roads" moment comes much earlier for the average individual, but as time, and my experiences seem to prove... I damn sure ain't AVERAGE.

The choices in life I've made up to this point have served me well, even getting married at age sixteen, and divorced by eighteen, taught me some hard life lessons earlier than most, but that experience came in quite handy down the road. (Fodder for another blog) Looking back I have little if any regrets. Oh sure, I wish I'd been kinder, nicer, and not said some hatelful things to loved ones now long gone, but so does everyone else. It's human nature. But now as I face the future at age 45 without the support system I had back then, and after survivng a period of grief for my husband that damn near took me with him, I am truly my own counsel, and that sounds scary.  But, I've screwed up enough in the past 45 years that failure doesn't really scare me. I've picked myself up and dusted off the bull shit of whatever situation or circumstance that created it, and kept on going. So, standing here at Nancy's cross roads of What Do I Want, and Where Can I Go, is much better than where I was standing 18 months ago at the corner of WTF!? and This Can't Be Real. Honestly, there are way worse things to make decisions about... believe me.

Now, I'm making choices and decisions on MY terms, for MY benefit, and I like that. I feel pretty good about it, and I realize the only thing that might stop me is ME. My own doubts, and fears about a major life altering change, which when I think about it is rather stupid on my part, because I've already experienced three of the most tumultous events a person can go through, so why should I let this next phase rattle me? If I haven't sold my soul to the Devil by now, I reckon there's no reason to sit and wait here anymore. Then again... I wonder what happened to my old acoustic guitar......