Shitty Santa Syndrome

Despite the commercial Christmas blitz of dancing elves, flying reindeer, talking toys, and crappy Christmas music specials, some of us find it hard to be cheerful during the holidays. Although we might try to appear cheery, our glow is not from some inner source of joy but more than likely caused by the hooch in the eggnog, or standing too close to the tree.

Being blue during what most consider the "hap hap happiest season of all" is not easy, and nothing is worse than being made to feel guilty for feeling down in the dumps, especially when emotions, stress, and angst associated with Christmas is at their peak. It's not our intent to dampened anyone's spirit, no one wants to be the turd in the Wassail, and sometimes it really helps to be around others who are merry and bright. Sometimes being the key word. The other end of that spectrum is even worse than the moroseness already felt, and can often create something I like to call Shitty Santa Syndrome.

Shitty Santa Syndrome, or SSS, happens to a lot of people unknowingly. It is often an involuntary response to the jingle madness hype that surrounds Christmas, and can result in rather unpleasant clashes with family, friends, and ultimately destroy relationships, and close knit bonds. The symptoms of Shitty Santa Syndrome vary widely depending on the severity of each individual case and the sufferers reaction to the sensory assaults and overload of the holiday season. While most people who suffer from SSS are perfectly fine the rest of the year, knowing how the onslaught of excessive well wishing holiday revelers can wreak havoc with their emotions, is very beneficial to everyone involved. By acknowledging a person's SSS, you are validating their painful reminders of lost loved ones, and lost family traditions that once made the holidays much merrier and brighter. This is especially important for single individuals who have no children, immediate family, or significant other to celebrate with. Recognizing SSS in an individual is really easy, although all too often SSS symptoms are misconstrued as maliciousness, particularly focusing on gift giving, and social functions.

If someone you know suddenly increases their alcohol intake around Thanksgiving, and doesn't sober up until shortly after New Years, they are more than likely afflicted with SSS. Just because you receive a fruitcake, stale store bought cookies, or fugly as hell sweater does not necessarily mean the gift giver hates your guts, but instead has succumbed to one of the most common symptoms of SSS I like to call, "Mall-itis". Any SSS sufferer worth their bah-humbug wouldn't be caught within a mile of any major retail venue from Black Friday until mid January. Of course, if said person strives to be an asshole at the annual holiday family functions, by making  it a point to get drunk, set fire to the Christmas decorations then piss on them to douse the blaze, SSS might be just a minor mental health issue they are dealing with.

So, this year, if a relative sends your kids subscriptions to Penthouse, or the crazy neighbor displays  Santa squatting over the chimney, stop and consider the possibility that they might actually have Shitty Santa Syndrome. Once the reason for their poor behavior has been established, you can then determine which course of action is appropriate and either open up a can of whip ass on them, or just chalk it up to SSS, and make sure to have plenty of coffee and fire extinguishers at the next family Christmas get together.

I Say MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

It's a free country, therefore we are all at liberty to express our beliefs and opinions openly without fear of retribution, unless you have the gall to wish anyone Merry Christmas.  I don't think any other phrase as been more demonized by the politically correct, than Merry Christmas. Saying F**k on TV is more acceptable than wishing someone Merry Christmas, these days, which says a lot about the direction our society is headed in.

I don't believe in being out right rude, or disrespectful, but there are plenty of other issues that should take a higher priority, than worrying about foisting a "religious connotation" on a possible atheist. If folks were that easily offended, humanity as a whole would have killed itself off centuries ago.  Maybe it's just me, but I can't recall EVER pissing someone off by wishing them Merry Christmas, and I'm sure I've spoken that phrase to several Atheists, Agnostics, Muslims, Buddhists, Jehovah's Witness, Jews, and/or scroodgey assed grumps. I don't get upset when I'm told Happy Hanukkah, or Blessed Kwanzaa, and I'm no fan of Season's Greetings, or Happy Holidays, but I don't get offended when I hear it. I just figure anyone saying it truly believes they are inspiring global unity, or just don't have the balls to say Merry Christmas.

Now I have to admit the commercial aspect of Christmas has gotten so vulgar, I personally find it as offensive as Congress! I think it should be a law that anything smacking of Christmas can not be displayed until the day AFTER Thanksgiving. I'm sure people are smart enough to follow along with the calendar year, and do not to be reminded about Christmas by filling every store with red and green crap before Halloween! Sure it's always beneficial to shop early, but unless it's in reference to someone's sexual activity, I don't care to hear HO HO HO before Gobble Gobble Gobble!

So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is this. Once it's appropriately time to express the seasonal sentiments of the holidays, stop and think before you utter some mealy mouthed PC approved Season's Greetings, or Happy Holidays. Whether or not you believe in the miraculous birth of Christ, you have to admit it's a beautiful story, that over centuries has united enemies, and brought peace where strife once ruled. So, before you negate the phrase to the pits of PC hell, take a deep breath and say right out loud to the next person, friend, foe, or total stranger, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I can pretty much guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised by the response.  After all , I don't think anyone as ever gotten their ass whipped for wishing anyone Merry Christmas, but if you do, well that's what you get for being politically incorrect.