"The Song Remembers When" - Trisha Yearwood

When I look back at the five precious years I shared with my husband, it's the simplest things that stand out the most. Because Moe was a musician, music was naturally a huge part of our life, but even outside of his music career, we shared a great appreciation for all genres.  Our mutual love for music was one of the common interests that bonded us, now it's what will always hold Moe close to my heart.

When I really take time to linger over some of the most important, and prized memories of our marriage, I can always find a song to accompany those events, a piece of music that encompasses the moment and preserves it in time for me. Like Trisha Yearwoods, "The Song Remembers When", I can hear certain songs on the radio, or play them at home, and once again I'm with Moe rolling along some wooded back road, high up in the Rockies, or snuggling on a front porch swing at a secluded cabin in the mountains of Tennessee. Faithfully by Journey takes me back to crowded clubs where Moe would catch my eye, as he sang those lyrics to me and only me, and tell me he loved me from the stage, with sign language he created just for us. Blake Shelton, or Michael Buble` singing Home puts me back in Moe's arms slow dancing in the living room sharing a romantic date night at home, and it also bring back the searing heartbreak of hearing that music playing softly at his funeral, as his American military service flag was presented to me on behalf of a grateful nation.

Not every song reminds me of Moe. Music is used to enhance movie scenes, and in much the same way, certain melodies remind me of why I don't like a particular person, place, or thing, or why I broke off a friendship or dumped an ex-husband, boyfriend, or lover. Some even merit a number of songs, depending on the length of association. For example, two songs remind me of a former flame from Lufkin, Tx. who strung me along for almost ten years before I got fed up with his no count, commitment phobic, old ass. Back then,  it was George Strait's Carrying Your Love With Me, because Cal worked construction all over the world, and not only was I head over heels in love with him, I never knew when or where he was going to be from one day to the next. Now days, it's Colder Weather, Zac Brown Band's latest hit, because once again he's calling and wants to take up where we left off twelve years ago. He's still no count, and would put me on the back burner for his convenience if I allowed it... and I'm not making any allowances.

Songs like friendships are oldies but goodies, and every time I hear Janis Joplin wailing Bobby McGee, I think of my lifelong sister-friend, Susanne` and all the crazy adventures we've shared and survived, many of them linked to beers, bon fires, and hot wired hi-jacked jeeps with music blaring from the radio. Amarillo by Morning, and any classic King George, or Garth Brooks and Chris LeDoux bring back my rodeo days, and long, lonesome highways, road-tripping with my girls to the big PRCA shows in Florida and Biloxi. Friends in Low Places puts me right back at the Texas Club drinking with my buddies, two-stepping around the dance floor, living like tomorrow didn't matter, and having fun was all that did.

Music has been, and always will be nourishment for my soul, the balm that soothes, the fuel that feeds the fire that keeps me moving forward. It's the gift I've been given that will forever honor Moe's memory, and has allowed me to become and remain a member of his music family. Lyrics and melodies so often reflect real life, creating the framework for the mental images from our pasts. I have an indelible songbook of sweet memories of Moe, that I will cherish always, but I'm also curious about new music that might portray this new phase of my life. New additions, like ZBB's "Knee Deep"( I need a beach vacay!) or "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" (wouldn't be my first rodeo),  that will enhance the already vibrant range of compilations that is the album of my life such as Rascall Flatts "Life is a Highway", and Mirand Lambert's "House that Built Me", (thanks mama & daddy) timeless and poignant, " Amazing Grace", and Brad Paisley's "When I Get Where I am Going" (miss you, cuz). Most importantly, after all I've been through and the life lessons I've learned, I have to agree with Mr. Strait... I'm Not Here for a Long Time, I'm Here for a Good Time". Care to join me?  

Rules of engagement: All's fair in Love and War My Butt!

As a recent widow trying to move on and tentatively entering the world of dating again, I have to be honest about myself, and what I expect from a prospective suitor. When you reach a certain age in life, you know exactly what you will, won't, and absolutely can't abide in a mate, and it's not due to being set in one's ways. It's because you've dealt with every possible aspect of bull shit imaginable, and you just can't find the energy to cope with poor behavior, and remaining alone is much more preferable compared to dealing with some idiotic loser.

First and foremost, I must warn the opposite sex that I don't chase behind any man. I won't beg you to stay, nor will I clamor for you attention. One thing I made clear to my husband when we married was the fact that he was always a free man. He was free to walk out the door anytime, and better not let it hit him in the ass on the way out. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? Lucky for me, Maurice Guillory adored me unconditionally, and I never once worried about him ever straying, which leads to my next relationship requirement.

I cannot stand to have a man under my feet jammed up my butt 24/7. I do not need your company while I'm in the bathroom, nor is there any need for you to hang on every word of my phone conversations, and interject comments. You had friends before you met me, and there is no reason for you not to keep them unless they are coke headed manwhores I despise (fodder for another blog).  I firmly believe having individual interests, and "airing out" time apart keeps a relationship fresh. If I have to bird dog a man because I can't trust him, that's a waste of my time and energy, and I don't have alot of either to spare. I can't be bothered with that, which is one reason I have pets. If you are the jealous, mistrusting type,and loyalty is what you desire most from a relationship, then spare yourself the stress, dump the chump and just adopt a dog.

Respect is a major deal breaker for me in relationships. I don't make demands, and I'm not the controlling, jealous, type. I don't demand respect, I expect it. If a man does not respect you, then how can you respect him? Respect is earned, true enough, but without self-respect, you can't earn respect, and if you can't respect the one person you should be able to share every aspect of your life, and all your secrets, dreams, plans, hopes, and desires, what's the point? I loved Moe Guillory more than life itself, but I respected that man a million times more, and unless respect is the foundation of your relationship/marriage, you will always struggle to maintain it.

So, bottom line fellas. I'm a damn good woman. Nope, don't have a super model body, and I'm no head turning beauty, and even though I'm always working on looking and feeling my best, I"m more concerned about treating my man the way I want him to treat me. I'm no pushover, and you better bring your A game, or I'll have to tell you about yourself, and it won't be pretty. You have to be able to rein me in, and earn my respect, and appreciate me for me, accepting me just as I am with all my faults, "endearing quirks", warped sense of humor, hidden talents (trying to keep it PG okay) foul mouth, and random acts of hilarity and insanity. I can promise you will enjoy the trust, love, loyalty and support of an honest, hard working, Christian woman, with never a dull moment, some of which might even border on the disturbing and scary, but you will never, ever have to wonder where you stand with me, or have any doubts about my dedication and committment. Like I told Mr. Guillory the morning of our wedding, "if you're scared, say you're scared....". Moe just grinned from ear to ear, laid a liplock on me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said. "I'm positively terrified."

Vengeance is Mine Sayeth the Crazy Bitch you Pissed Off.

"Never stoop to their level. Kill them with kindness." That was something my mother said alot to me when I was growing up, and she practiced what she preached. If JoAnne McGehee did not care for you, she could look through you like you didn't even exist, but for the folks she had no choice but to interact with, venom dripped from her tongue and she fed it to them like honey. Mama's voice would be as soft and sweet as syrup, and she could so politely make a total ass of her victim with just a few well disguised barbed comments. JoAnne was the master at the veiled, "F*** YOU!".

I've tried my best, over the years to heed my mother's advice, but I have a horrible temper. It takes alot for me to reach my boiling point, but when I do... you better give your soul to God, because your ass is mine! In my younger days, maintaining composure, and preserving my image/reputation was NOT a priority, and on more than one occasion I lost control and went all crazy white girl on whoever had pushed my whup ass button.

Now that I am older, wiser, and too out of shape to get physically violent, I better understand the methods of my mother's madness. I too have found that keeping my enemies close, and relying on wit and words to fight my battles is much more satisfying than feeling my fist connect with someone's face... well the majority of the time it is. Anyway, like my mother, I too have mastered the art of killing with kindness. Although I will never be as good as she was, I still take pride in telling a deserving person to go to hell in such a way they look forward to their trip. I've also learned what type of individual this tactic works best on, because let's face it, there are some people in this world who not only need a hard core, first rate, soul blistering cussing, (Lord forgive me but I can deliver a cussing so foul you will want to shower when I'm done) but that sort of tongue lashing language is all they understand.

I suppose it would be prudent of me to say that truly I have mellowed greatly in my middle years, and my sweet husband tempered my bitchiness, and made me a much nicer person. Inspite of his passing away, I still try to follow his example and as Moe would tell me, "Take the high road, boo, always try to take the high road." Sure, I still have my moments, like throwing the vacuum cleaner in the yard, and demolishing the broken storm door in a snit when it locked me out of the house three times in a row. But, for the most part I stay on a fairly even keel, and most folks can tell if I like them or not, mainly due to the fact that I'm too honest and have no shame. As far as I'm concerned, FAKE is the nasty "F" word.

The Life Trip

Twenty years ago I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. My main interests included chasing cowboys on the rodeo circuit, and my goal in life was to own every color roper Justin boots made, both pull-on and lace up. I ended up with twelve pair total.

Looking back I am painfully aware of all the time and money I wasted trying to keep up with my friends, and maintain a lifestyle that I would one day out grow. But I learned some hard, yet valuable lessons, truths about myself and others that helped shape my ideals, and philosophies about, life, love, responsibility, and my own accountablility.

There comes a time on most of our lives when we reach that age of awareness that some things are just better left to the younger generations, and we finally become honest to God, real life, genuine adults. Like some mind boggling epiphany the reality of, " Holy shit I've become my mother/father. Dear God, I'm the voice of reason, and that's scary as Hell", kicks us in the head, and we understand that we have reached what I call, the age of Okay, NOW I get it.
  Sure, I look at today's youth and think this world is going to hell in a handbasket, just like my parents generation did with mine. I watch the news, and pray for God's grace. I get disgusted with the idiocy of reality TV, and this culture's obession with all things celebrity, and wonder what happened to the days of families gathered around the Tv laughing at Carol Burnett, or playing games like Monopoly. Saturday morning cartoons have become politically correct Japanese animation crap. I don't know about ya'll but watching a coyote getting his ass kicked by a roadrunner did NOT make me a violent member of society, although you might end up as a little poof of dust at the bottom of a cliff if you royally piss me off.

Had I known then what I know now, my life may have turned out much differently than it is now, but I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun, or have so many great, crazy stories to tell. I wouldn't have learned that hurt and disaapointment make the good things in life even sweeter, and I wouldn't appreciate the woman I am today. I'm not perfect by the biggest longshot, and I don't profess to be so sage and wise that I can pass judgement based on my experience. This past year after losing my Moe has vividly shown me that you really can't say what you would and wouldn't do until you actually live the situatution. Walk and mile in someone else's shoes and you can bet your feet will stink just like theirs.

 One thing I can honestly claim to know, I mean own this knowledge like it's a piece of my soul, is the simplest of life's truths. We are all born into this world, with the understanding that we are all going to leave it at some point. Dying is as much a part of the journey as living, and some of us leave sooner than others, but only God knows when, where, and how. It's up to us to make the most of all that is given to us, and to accept that we are never 100 pecent in control of anything on this Earth. We are our own stewards, and while we have the free will to decide when it's time to move to the next phase of living, some of us are too afraid to take that step, and either stagnate in the misery of our making, or spiral down into our own personal hells. Things happen in life that we will never understand while we are alive. Natural disasters, the cruelty of others, and the flaws of human nature are the mysteries of this life, and we really can't explain any of it as hard as we try, too often there are no answers.

I think a quote by the character Wyatt Earp from the movie Tombstone keenly describes the sentiment, or feeling we all share once we hit the enlightenment of true maturity. "I spent my whole life not knowing what I want out of it, just chasing my tail. Now for the first time I know exactly what I want and who...that's the damnable misery of it."

Peach Picking Instinct or In"stink"tually the Pits

Dating and finding that right other half is much like grocery shopping. Nothing is more disappointing that buying a beautifuly colored, plump juicy looking peach, then biting into it only to find it's dry, and tasteless, or sour with rot. The same goes for people. We've all met someone who is much like that peach. Sure, they look perfect from the outside, but it soom becomes apparent that looks can definitely be deceiving. All too often this happens more than we'd like to admit, and for some it's a vicious cycle of not recognizing the spoiled fruit, but after a few foul tasting experiences, most of us learn to be a bit more decerning, employing more precaution, smelling and squeezing before taking that first bite.

Of course, not all "peaches" are perfect. Like people, some of the best tasting are knotty, lumpy, and mishaped. While it's not usually the norm that the worst looking fruit turns out the be the sweetest and juciest, we are all guilty of not looking past the skin, and acknowledging the inner pit. When you pick the right peach for you, you have to be willing to accept the good, and bad, because it's a package deal.

When we begin a relationship, we are eager to get to know this person who has attracted our attention, and it's thrilling to learn what makes them who they are as the getting to know each other phase progresses. Even when certain comments, mannerisms, characteristics, or actions, set off our alarm, most of us are willing to look past these red flags in order to dig a little deeper. Just because you see a few blemishes, doesn't mean the whole peach is damaged. It's human nature to be curious, and none of us want to be accused of seeming shallow, so we turn a blind eye and cut out the unattractive spots, and continue. Pretty soon, you've smelled the fruit's frangrance, and felt it's firmness, and gently squeezed it in all the right places. Then it's time to take that first bite, really sink teeth into it and find out what it tastes like. Either it's delicious, and once you  get down to the pit, you understand and know you picked the right peach after all, or it's nasty so you spit it out and head back to the produce aisle.

Returning repeatedly to the "produce aisle" gets tedious after a while, and it becomes easy to get stuck tasting the same type of fruit over and over. Variety is the spice of life, and getting stuck eating the same fruit all the time creates relationship ruts, like picking poor peaches for example. As hard as it might seem, sometimes it's important to switch up, and maybe try a little melon, Casaba, or Canteloupe, or maybe branch out into more exotic produce like kiwi's or mango. If you don't experiment, and give different fruits a chance, you won't know which one is more to your liking.

The main thing to consider, and remember when choosing your favorite fruit, be it peaches, plums. citrus, or melons,  is this... It's not always the look and feel, (although the smelling, and squeezing is part of the fun) or braving that first bite that matters the most. It's being sure you want to eat only one kind fruit for the rest of your life.  Before you settle for one single flavor, try a few slices first.

Outer Beauty & Inner Ugly...What Makes Us Beautiful

Recently, I got smacked in the face by the sheer ugliness of the human nature. Egotism, and self adoration make for a biased world view, and it skewes how people afflicted with these traits see others. Some people who self worship are shallow, and vapid, and lack intelligence so their ugliness shines bright then dims as others see through the flash and dazzle of their overly contrived outer beauty. Then there is the most vile of all, the coldly calculating highly intelligent narcissist. While appearance varies, they are always threatened by anyone who dares to challenge their authority, or even make them look the least bit average, yet they are somewhat simple minded, no matter their degree of education. Through the years, I have tangled with some inner ugly so foul, I can only pray about it, and leave it in God's hands, because under the circumstances my hands are better left in my pockets. What makes people so ugly? Why do people feel the need to lash out at others, just to make themselves feel better? Because they are spiritually blind.

I'm not talking a specific religion/denomination here. I'm talking about what makes a person beautiful in the eyes of the beholder. The inner light that shines forth, and draws us to their warmth, and kindness that is part of their spirit. Have you ever met someone who was just so genuinely caring, and warm, and just seemed to glow with sheer joy and love for life, the epitome of Joie de vive, yet so raw-boned homely in appearance that they look like they fell out of the UGLY Tree and hit every single limb on the way down? I'm talking some kinda sightful, yet because they are so perfectly good natured and happy go lucky all you see is their inner beauty like a beacon of light guiding you to the depth of their open, giving heart.

Like that movie, Shallow Hal, some of us have been lucky enough to see past the outer flaws. Sadly, a large majority either won't allow themselves to get beyond the facade most of us strive to present so perfectly. Instead they doom their inner beauty to a remote recess of their soul, and spend their lifetime searching for perfection in a show pony rather than a true partner, or worse, they automatically assume everyone is beneath them, and they always know best, and foist their jacked up mindset on everyone else. :

Those same folks have a hard time accepting not just anyone else's shortcomings, both inner and outer, but their own as well. One thing I learned long ago, not just from my daddy drilling it into my head, but from years of personal experience, is this: No one in this world is better than you. They might be the same as you, but no one is ever better or above you in any way, physically, mentally, or spritually. God loves us as we are, because we are all perfectly made in His image. I truly feel sorry for the individual who is so blinded by their own overly inflated self importance, and puts so much stock into outer image that they can't see past it to appreciate the honest beauty within.

I was lucky to be loved by a very outwardly handsome, internally beautiful, man for five sweet years, who saw my inner beauty, along with a great appreciation for the outer image efforts, but what made him so irresistable to me was his sharp wit, and appreciation for mine as well. Whenever I'd overhear my husband bragging about how smart his wife was, I couldn't help but fill with pride and immense love for him, but after this happened a few times I just had to ask him one night, " Baby, how come you never brag on how pretty, or good you think I look?' Moe just smiled and kissed me softly, and said, " Anyone with eyes can tell I think you are absolutely beautiful, buh-bee. I don't have to say it."

If I were Queen

As we all relax on this national holiday, and enjoy picnics, barbecues, fireworks, and patriotic parades and concerts, let's stop and consider what a great nation we live in, inspite of the current crappiness that is our congress, and economy. Let's all join together, and instead of bitching and whining, let's make a concerted effort to correct the issues plaguing us today. I'm sure you all have specific ideas, and thoughts about what our government leaders should be doing, and since we are headed into an election year, I figured I might as well throw my own opinions and ideas into the ring. I can do that.... it's MY blog.

First and foremost I would do some major house cleaning in the House and Senate, and instead of Democrats and Republicans, I would make them Real Americans who work and pay taxes, and The Dumbasses. Considering one side would heavily outweigh the other, I'd run them all off and start from scratch from the state level up.

Once new representatives of the American people were installed at both state and national levels, we'd get down to business. The first thing I'd do is federalize the oil companies, and create an agency that inspected and policed their drilling practices based on rules written by offshore oilworkers who know how things should be done. Then, I'd tax the oil companies a certain percentage based on their revenue. The more money they make, the more taxes they pay, and I'd make companies that go overseas pay an annual fee, and import tax to continue doing business as an "American" company. Elected officials would have salary and benefit caps, and our military personnell would make as much money as a Fortune 500 CEO because I would make sure those companies contributed to a General Defense fund, based on a sliding scale of yearly profits. Their books would be audited by Government agencies annually. I'd also abolish worker's unions, and make right to work national policy. Companies and corporations would have to provide annual reports of workers compensation maintaining a national average for salaries and benefits, and implement job creation programs employing so many new workers annually.

Military families would not have to pay for food, or housing while a spouse is on actice combat duty. In the event that spouse is killed in the line of duty, their children will receive free college tuition, a stipend while in school, and their surviving spouses would get a lump sum benefit depending on the amount required to payoff any outstanding debt such as mortgages, or loans. Anyone who dies while in service to this great nation deserves to be respected, and honored, and while I find imposing on religious freedom unconstitutional, I would inact laws preventing any disruption, or protesting at military funerals. Anyone doing so will be tried for treason, and exiled.

Now, talking about exile. I'd work out a deal with Haiti, and instead of funding countries like Pakistan to fight against the terrorists they are using our money to train, I'd give that money to Haiti to help them recover and rebild a democratic government in exchange for allowing the US to use their country as a training grounds.
Each American male and female would spend a year in Haiti upon turing 18, so they can experience what it's like to live in a country without all the freedoms, rights, and modern conveniences we enjoy in this country. You got to admit, it's better to be homeless in America, than Haiti, or alot of other countries around the globe. The assholes that are exiled would go there too, and have to work to rebuild. I'd make deals with other coutries in need too, that have suffered natural disasters like Japan, and even here at home. Those exiles would have to work to help restore things to normal, and be subject to the same conditions as the citizens affected.

 As far as illegal immigration goes, I'd limit the number of people coming in from Mexico, by implementing a lottery program, and the drug cartels that are causing mayhem along the border, well I'd send troops to patrol it, and anyone who dares dip a toe over that line had better either have their winning lottery ticket in their hand, or be ready to meet their maker. I hate to be such a hardass, but you have to stand your ground, and get the point across.  Once they are in our country legally, they have to find employment, pay taxes, and learn English, read and write, and basically assimilate. I'm a firm believer of when in Rome do as the Romans do. If you want to maintain your native nationality stay home.

There are many thigns wrong with America right now, and I've only touched on a few that I feel take priority, but despite all the negaticve, I still believe with all my red white and blue heart that there is no greater nation on God's green earth than the United States of America. No matter how tough things might seem, or how yellow and pathetic we might seem to the rest of the world, I'm proud to be an American. Aren't you?