Being Good at Being Bad....

I intensely dislike, nor do I trust,  perpetually cheerful, self righteous, pious, or overly polite people. It's not normal, not to mention aggravating, to be all sunshine and rainbows all the damn time. It's unnatural, and in some instances, unholy.  Nothing is more frightening than that person who oozes charm and poise even in the most unnerving situations, their fake ass smile beaming brightly in an attempt to quell panic, or ease tension.  It just makes me want to slap the living shit out of them.

All humans have a dark side, and I realize mine has a tendency to be just a smidge darker than most, and I'm okay with that. Honestly, I sometimes enjoy the hell out of it. It can be quite fun, and useful when someone truly deserves to experience it.  Of course not everyone can maintain a healthy balance between their light and dark sides, leading to much of the violence, and evil in this world, but there are those who cannot even acknowledge the less savory side of their own nature, much less in others. When you hear someone say, "Why I would never act like that!", nine times out of ten that is just a damn lie. Not a soul on this earth hasn't had a moment in life when they desperately wanted to yank that Pollyanna stick out of their butt and knock somebody's ass off with it! True, it's not always prudent to act on emotion, although as a result of doing so, it's often possible to come out better asking forgiveness instead of permission. When you think about it, what idiot in their right mind, no matter how much they've provoked it, and deserve it, is going to say, "Oh please cuss, and beat me like the dirty, sorry bastard I am!"

Now, I'm not advocating total anarchy here, or losing all control, I'm trying to make the point that it's important to KNOW your dark side, because when you embrace that aspect of your nature, you know your limits, and where you need to draw the line. When you are fully aware of just how ruthless, ugly, and hateful you can truly behave, it's easier to rein that in when you most need to. If you just skip through life blowing sugar coated BS up your behind and everyone else's, you're going to experience a great deal of disappointment in yourself and others. By accepting that we all have an evil inner twin, and tempering that with the goodness, and warmth of our humanity, (of course there are some who only project a facade of goodness and warmth... beware!), we are capable of managing an even keel between the two. It's a matter of self truth, and being honest about who you truly are, because faking sweetness and light can only last for so long, and eventually your true nature will shine through, and no amount of niceness will cover up just what a shit you really are.

In general I sincerely believe the majority of humanity is inherently good, and that good will always triumph over evil. I believe that even in the darkest hour, even the weakest among us can prevail through the good will of our fellow mankind. The reality is,  that while none of us are perfectly good, some of us are good at being bad, some are bad at being good, some are better at being good, and a small portion is just evil to their core. I do think religion plays a role in making us behave better than some, and more so than others, but when you get down to it, it really is up to the individual, as to how bad or good, one honestly cares to be.

The Misery Eaters

Most of you know that I am not one to sugar coat the truth, although contrary to popular belief I do try to be tactful. Although my "it is what it is" philosophy is widely shared, there is a select few that find it irritating, and I've only recently realized why.  There are certain people in this world who are so self absorbed they can't see past their own misery, which is usually self inflicted. They thrive on their own selfishness, and generate toxic feelings that feed their need for constant drama.  I call them misery eaters.

Misery eaters are not only selfish, but they are devious, and excel at subtle manipulation.  They are always down and out, and nothing is ever their fault. These people LOVE turmoil, and just slurp up any and all negativity like bottom feeders. They enjoy playing mind games, and are artists at turning the tables in a confrontation or conflict. Nothing anyone does for them is ever enough, and when their shit stirring antics backfire, it's never their fault. Of course they try to make themselves look like the victim at this point, usually by throwing the hapless dumb ass who tried to help them under the bus.

We have all known or dealt with a misery eater(s). They can be friends, family, and co-workers, or just random people you have to interact with. These are the people you try to avoid, unless they are a friend or family member. Friendships/ relationships with a misery eater can be rather tiresome because you can never be sure if that person is sincere. They are the type who tries to one up everyone on everything, good or bad, and they are masters at schadenfreude, meaning they derive pleasure from others misfortune. Not only will they revel in your tragedy, they will quell any attention you might gain from others when experiencing good fortune, as they are also jealous since in their mind nothing nice or good ever happens to them.

Of course, these people in all honesty, are usually extremely blessed, but are too blinded by their selfishness, and abject shitty attitude to comprehend just how much they have to be grateful for and appreciate.  Misery eaters are the kind of people you can never to too nice to, because they find it impossible to appreciate,  and being mean to them just proves to them that they are justified in feeling like the worlds scapegoat. So, now you might be wondering if there is a cure for this malady, as it does affect millions around the globe. Is there a special technique for handling misery eaters? Other than strict avoidance, or just telling them to kiss your ass, there isn't much you can do about such people. I personally think misery eaters suffer from a medical condition commonly known as Rectal Optosis. This occurs when the optic nerves somehow (probably at birth) get crossed up the rectum, thus resulting in a shitty outlook. Hopefully modern medicine will find a cure.

Match Game 2013 or Mystery Date?

Most of you already know I've thrown my hat back into the dating ring, and I can honestly say, dating over 40 has kicked my ass!  At first I tried online dating with Plenty Of Fish, because it's free. Well sometimes you get what you pay for. I wasted the better part of last year on an unappreciative, angry, depressed, selfish, rude, ill-mannered, cold hearted, douche bag with an over inflated ego.  Needless to say I did go out with a few others I met, but none of them were the catch of the day.

In spite of the many throw backs I caught with Plenty of Fish, I did meet some super nice guys, who have turned out to be very dear friends of mine. But, after several encounters with scrubs, I decided to listen to Phil Robertson.. Scrubs are OUT!, and I deleted my POF account.  That lasted through the Holidays, and as January 2013 waned, I decided to conduct somewhat of an experiment, so I ponied up for a three month membership on Match.com. Perhaps if men have the funds to purchase a dating site membership, they will have more going for them than a nasty attitude and empty wallet.

Now, I am honest as the day is long, so I make it clear I am NOT super model skinny, but more of a built for comfort not for speed kind of gal. All of my photos are current, and I don't pretend to be someone I am not. My first foray into building a relationship helped me find my backbone again, and I made it clear in my profile that I am not one to tolerate disrespect, drama, or suffer fools gladly. I am not your average female.  Apparently men like wide bottomed, big boobed redheads, with attitude, because within the first 24 hours of posting my profile/photos, my page was viewed 1000 times. Don't think I'm bragging here, because I'm not stupid enough to believe I am all that. I figure I've either attracted a stalker, or all those hits are guys curious to see just how fat my ass really is, and if the boobs look real or not.

So far, I've gone on one actual date, which was really just meeting for drinks, but he's a nice guy, and like me he isn't wanting to get remarried or shack up, but rather hoping to find a monogamous partner to spend time with enjoying shared interests. Sounds simple right? Sounds like the easiest thing in the world doesn't it? Are you kidding me?  Online dating over 40 is somewhat like a game show... First you spin the wheel, then you take a chance and either choose whats behind door number three, or curtain number one, and hope you don't end up with a Zonk! So far, it's been Zonks 1 Nancy 0, but I do believe my luck is changing. After all, all I had to do to find Moe was walk into a dive ass honkytonk on the Livingston Parish line. If I can find true love once, who knows where/when I might find it again.

Resolutions Revelations and Revolutions

Three days into the new year, and so far so good. 2013 has been pretty uneventful so far, and in some ways I hope it stays that way. Although I didn't realize it at the time, 2012 brought some major changes in my life, some were better than others, but overall most were pretty positive.  I think it's important to review the outgoing year in order to make better resolutions for the new year.  Well, I sat down last night and dissected all the events of 2012 that impacted me personally, and those events that made us all stop and take note. After analyzing what I'd gleaned, I took my revelations, and revamped some resolutions, and therefore began my personal revolution.

First and foremost, I believe in paying it forward, and performing random acts of kindness. It's just a couple of many things that keeps good triumphing over evil. Yes, I got burned badly by someone I'd called my dear friend for twenty plus years, but that didn't prevent me from helping another friend when they needed me.  What that ordeal did teach me is to trust my gut instinct when it comes to people, and to listen when that little inner voice says, " Aw hell no, Nancy!! Are you that damn stupid?"  As a nation we have recently learned that there is great evil in the world, and no place, nor any of us, are completely safe. But, we also know from past experience, that good or bad, when the unexpected happens, we pull together to help one another. This year, I'm resolute in my decision to have zero regrets, yet be available when I can offer help where it's needed,  therefore I am resolving to pay closer attention to my instincts.

I have a good heart, and when I love someone, I love honestly, unconditionally, and I give it my all. My first dating relationship since being widowed taught me quite a bit about the woman I truly am, and the woman I never want to be... EVER.  I allowed some things in that relationship, that I never would have tolerated pre Moe. But I realized being truly loved by such a good man like Moe, really did make me a better person. Moe also set a standard which helped me realize I deserve so much more than what I was accepting from the new relationship. This man and I are still good friends, because there is no point in ending a friendship just because it didn't work out romantically, but I won't ever tolerate disrespect, or accept less than what I know I deserve. Understanding that what I want, and expect from a man, isn't always what I need, and knowing I'm better for walking away when I didn't get what I needed was quite a revelation.

I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be, and realizing the things about myself that need improving can be bitter, and unpleasant, but it's what makes me stronger, and better able to accept what I can't change. I've always been a big girl. My whole life my weight has defined me, whether up or down, that is what people see first about me and I hate that. My nickname was Big Nancy for the longest, and I never let on that I despised it like spiders and grin death and it made me feel so fat and ugly. Well, after 46 years, I am who I am, and yes I, just like everyone else,  try to eat healthy and I exercise, and even at my smallest I'm still an amazon. My fat ass does NOT make me Nancy. My personality, spirit, sense of humor, and character make me who I am. For the first time in my life I feel, and KNOW I am beautiful. Sure, I'd like to be slimmer, but I'd rather be healthier, and that is what I'll be fighting for this year. I'm declaring war on poor health, and all the ailments that hold me back from enjoying life more than I already do. My personal health revolution, and I'm going to whip ass and win.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year, and hope and pray your year is  filled with good health, and prosperity.

Broken

Reports of mass shootings are no longer uncommon. The fact that I can even make that statement is somewhat appalling and mind boggling, but it doesn't make it any less true. Have we become immune to such violence? Have we seen so much of it on TV, in movies, news reports, music lyrics, and video games that we are no longer affected by it? I would have answered YES to those questions, before a crazed gunman opened fire in a kindergarten class at Sandy Hook Elementary.  I'm truly saddened and feel guilty that it took such a horrific event, to finally wake us up and realize our society is broken. The question now is just how badly are we broken, and is there any way to repair all the damage that has been done?

Today's society is all about the quick fix. Instant gratification. We can ask why. We can theorize all manner of causes for such an atrocity, and point fingers at firearms, and mental illness. But are we as a society prepared to delve into the honest, raw truth of why and how we have reached such depth of depravity that we no longer value human life above all else?  Have we become so focused on maintaining a level of political correctness that we have devalued teaching our children right from wrong, or to believe in something other than our science and technology. In something other than our own inflated sense of self importance?

Some folks have openly asked where was God? If there is a God, why didn't He stop this from happening? Perhaps the answer we suddenly find ourselves searching for is just as intangible, yet ever present like the God we have deemed politically incorrect, and removed from a society as broken as the lives, hopes and dreams, of 26 innocent people and their loved ones they leave behind. My faith tells me that as little children suffered, and educators sacrificed to save their students, God was there so they were not alone in those last terrible moments. No matter how many turn their lives away from Him, and evict Him from  classrooms, and public buildings, God is always there for us.

 Sure, we can take away all the guns, lock up and vilify all the mentally ill, put armed guards in our schools, but will that fix what is truly broken within us as a society?  Can we come together body, mind, and spirit to work together as a collective whole to atone for our social shortcomings? In this season of hope, let us all take time to look inside ourselves, to stop and allow simple gifts of gratitude, kindness, and concern for one another take precedence over materialism, and selfishness.  Each of us are but one piece of society's whole, and until we heal individually, our society will remain broken and irreparable.

Blessings in Disguise

Tomorrow marks the start of the holiday season, and a time of year I once looked forward to. Now, it simply means I have to avoid the mall crowds unless I care to risk serving jail time. Tomorrow is also a national day of Thanksgiving, a day originated by our forefathers who suffered way more than most of us ever will, and appreciated simplicity. Of course life was much simpler then, much harsher, and although progress and technology have improved one's chances of survival, and longevity, life is still a fragile gift that can be lost in the blink of an eye.

Loss is something we have all felt and dealt with, some more than others, and not always through death. Some of us may mourn not for loved ones, but perhaps a job, or foreclosed home, a friendship ended by betrayal, a broken marriage, or for some sense of self,  spirit,  or peace of mind that is lost or forgotten. When we suffer, we lose sight of our gratitude, and we can't see the simple things that bless our lives when our hearts are darkened by despair. This is why it's important to search down deep and find what I call blessings in disguise.

Blessings don't always present themselves positively, or instantly. Sometimes it takes a while for certain blessings to be revealed, and can be born of tragedy, and heartache. I guess it's cliche' to refer to the glass half empty/full mentality here, but that is a major part of recognizing a disguised blessing. Throughout my life my glass has been both half full, and empty, and at times overflowing and left with nothing but dregs at the bottom. Now, I've finally reached that place in my life where my glass  doesn't have to be half full or empty, just as long as there Maker's Mark in it I'm good. Not saying good bourbon has helped me find my disguised blessings, but it hasn't hindered me either.

I'm sure you are now wondering just what the hell is a disguised blessing, and how do you find them, or recognize them.  Well, I can't really tell you anything specific, because blessings are usually created through individual circumstance, and don't always come to light immediately. But, you have to open your heart, and mind to the possibility of something good coming from something bad. That the negative can have a positive, the balance of good versus evil. My personal example is I found out who my true friends are when my husband died very unexpectedly a couple of years ago. Knowing I had trustworthy friends I could depend on when I needed them most was a huge blessing.  Stop and think about your own, or someone you know, similar situation and I bet you will discover some small blessing in there somewhere.

So, if you are blessed to have family and friends to share Thanksgiving with, or even if you are alone, just stop and remember there is always something to be thankful for, even if it's not right in front of you. Remember that tomorrow isn't promised, and that everything and everyone we take for granted or under appreciate, disregard, and/or overlook today, may just be that disguised blessing you've been waiting, hoping, and searching for.

Plenty of Fish: Hook, Line, and WTF?

If you've ever attempted to navigate the waters of online dating, then you have experienced just how deceitful, and low down some people are. Granted, I have met some very nice guys on plentyoffish.com or POF, who have become very good friends of mine, and maybe one day one of those friendships might become something more. But, in the meantime, here are a few pointers for any of y'all who are considering online dating, or just haven't had any success at finding that special someone, much less a date.

First of all, be honest. I mean honest about everything. For instance, I clearly state in my profile that I not only have a fat ass, but a foul mouth as well, and I'm not one to play games or tolerate bull shit.  That being said, I've given any would be suitors fair warning, thus preventing any complaints of misrepresentation.  Lying about your appearance is pointless anyway, because what are you going to do if/when you meet someone? He/she is going to immediately realize you aren't 6'0", you don't weigh 130 pounds, nor do you have a head full of thick wavy hair.  If you are a large sized man or woman, say so. Post real pictures of yourself. If they like what they see, they will let you know. After all it's what is on the inside that truly matters. Lying about anything else is also foolish, because you can only hide the truth for so long, especially if you end up in a relationship with someone.

Now, you've connected with someone and started emailing, texting, and/or instant messaging, and maybe even chatting on the phone. Please, please, please remember your manners, engage your social skills if you have any, and for the love of Pete, DO NOT send anyone any photos of any body parts!!! Dear Lord, why do some men think I want to see their damn pecker before I actually see their entire body in person?  REALLY? I don't care how big it is, or proud you are of it, sending me a photo of your junk right off the bat, will not only get you laughed at, (by me and several of my girls) but you will never, ever have to worry about talking to me again, much less meeting me. Another no-no in this category is initiating sexual conversation, or injecting sexual innuendos or comments into a conversation the instant you start talking to someone. It's unnerving, disgusting, and you just don't know me like that you nasty bastard!

After hours of communicating via computer/phone, it's time to finally meet each other in person. Sure, you've shared quite a bit with this person, and you feel like you know them very well. That's fine and a very good thing, but once again, please use some measure of discretion, and don't immediately assume it's okay to pounce on somebody the moment you meet them. Personal space must be respected at all times, so grabbing your just met new love interest, and jamming your tongue down their throat might come across as just a little too enthusiastic. Also, during the course of that first date, keep your hands to yourself unless otherwise invited. It's nice when a man places a hand at the small of your back to help guide you, or gently takes your hand to help you, but if he begins your date by constantly trying to stroke your arm, rub your back, or generally pet you like a cat or dog, you might want to talk about personal space, and set some boundaries. If that doesn't seem to deter him, just do what I've done when politely declining such attention. Just casually smile, pick up your dinner fork (any sharp object will work) and in your sweetest tone of voice tell him you are going to jab him dead in the ass with it if he doesn't stop pawing at you.  Either he'll get the hint, or leave the restaurant with rather impressive puncture wound.

Well, I hope this simple advice will provide some of you with the confidence and insight to get out there and find the love of your life. If nothing else I hope you've learned what not to do on a date, and how to behave in a way that will attract, and encourage romance to develop. Of course, all I can do is tell you how to act when you meet someone new, it's up to you not to keep dating psychotic, nut jobs. After all, you picked them!